there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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