I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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