i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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