I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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