Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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