Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
