I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
