Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
