I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
