there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
