Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
