Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
