i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize