I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
