Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
