the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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