so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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