I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
