Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
