sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
