tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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