Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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