Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
