I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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