But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
