my sisters under your porch take her home
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
