Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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