I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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