if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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