I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize