nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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