im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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