he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
