I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize