look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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