come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
