I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
