I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
