where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
