i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
did you just send me my own nude
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
