I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
