Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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