Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
