my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
