I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize