I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
