I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
