how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
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