i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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