fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize