He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
