she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
