normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
