it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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