all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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