Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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