is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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