Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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