we're chasing vodka with high fives
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
