At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
