My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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