Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
