This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
