Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
