I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
