he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
