i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
