my mouth tastes like poor choices
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
