Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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