i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
